Well done if you even clicked on the link to view this page.
You must be the only one today. Seriously, nobody bothers normally, but you did, and we thank you, we spent literally minutes on it.
What this is about
The Internet is full of scumbags and vagabonds who would steal your data, use your credit cards and buy squishee unicorns using your Amazon account.
This is why we have ‘GDPR' which is a new kind of data protection that gives YOU more power.
We believe this is a GOOD THING because it protects us, too. It protects us from some people who STINK and would mess up our website. We don't want those sort of people near us.
The problem is, all it really means is that lawyers get involved and create excruciating policies that you're supposed to agree to. Do you read them? Of course not, you have sausages to cook and coffee to drink.
So, here's the main shizzle in an easy to understand format that includes all the really important stuff.
1) We are not scumbags and we do not steal your data. We cool?
2) We hold your data in three places:
Sleeknote is a really rad tool we use to collect your email addresses when you want to download our e-book. They store your data on a server in America somewhere. You know what it's like over there, it's probably surrounded by armed guards. Maybe a wall, they like walls apparently.
They've assured us they don't steal it or use it for anything nefarious. In any case, they delete it all after three months.
They're very nice people.
ActiveCampaign is the tool we use to send you lots of lovely emails. It's totally GDPR compliant because they're in the data business, they had to be otherwise they'd be in a whole heap of trouble. The data is, again, stored in the USA somewhere. I'm sure I could pinpoint it on a map, but then I'd probably be breaking some federal law, so I won't.
Our web server is where the website is served from (obviously) and that stores some data, too. It might have your email address if you filled out a contact form, and also your IP address.
It's handled by the lovely people at Krystal and I think it's in London. Let's hope it's not under the Thames or anything.
3) You can ask us to delete your data at any time. Just email me on firstname.lastname@example.org, and I'll delete it. You can also unsubscribe from our emails by clicking on the ‘unsubscribe' link in every email.
What we do with your data:
We use your email address to send you emails. Pretty obvious, eh? Without it, we couldn't do it.
Google Analytics uses your IP address to see where you are from in the country. It's useful to know so we can see how our targeting campaigns are working. For example, if we run an event in Northampton (unlikely), it's useful to know we're only targeting people in the immediate area. Or shoes.
If we have your address, we might send you something nice in the post I guess. Maybe a birthday card or bit of cake.
That's about it.
Will you share my data?
Normally, no. By that I mean that we won't sell it to anyone, or share it to another company to then market to you. That would be an extremely bad thing to do, and pretty pointless.
However, if the feds turn up and demand it with the relevant paperwork because you've done something naughty, then yes, we'll hand it over.
I ain't going to jail for you.
Stay classy, and don't get in trouble, that's the moral here.
What about cookies? Aren't they evil?
Cookies are tiny text files that our website pops on your computer. It uses it to know who you are when you come to the site and it helps with pre-filling forms, keeping you logged in and clever stuff like that.
Although some scumbags on other sites might do something dodgy with them, we don't.
They won't give you a virus, they won't clog up your hard drive, they just have some text in them. Totally safe.
Remember, we're not scumbags.
Terms and conditions
Our terms are really simple.
1) Don't copy stuff from off of our website
2) Don't try to steal stuff by cracking, hacking or anything naughty like that
3) By using this website, you agree that if anything happens to you at all, it's nothing to do with us. Literally, there's nothing on this site that could harm you, but if you're offended by something you see and it makes you ill or something, that's your lookout.
Our address and stuff
You can visit us (please don't) at:
114a High Street
And phone us (we won't answer) on: 0845 0573420
You can email me personally (pretty much the only way I communicate) at email@example.com